Happy Birthday Sierra!!

I am the mother of a teenager!!!

Thankfully, Sierra isn't terribly demanding with her expectations for her birthday. She really wanted to go on a family backpacking trip, but we told her that it would have to wait until summer. We had waffles and bacon for breakfast--her favorite. Several of her friends did a solid job of embarrassing her at school (and brought her brownies). I brought her a shake and burger from Jack-in-the-Box for lunch--her favorite. After school, there was a knock on the door and the seventh grade track team from her middle school was standing there to sing "Happy Birthday" to her. (We only live about 1/3 mile from the middle school, so they jogged through the neighborhood as part of their workout). She was embarrassed, but thrilled. We went to dinner at the Olive Garden--her favorite. (There seems to be a trend about the meals.) Her gifts were simple--some clothes, a new purse/bag, a new make-up bag loaded with goodies (now hopefully mine won't be raided so regularly), a photo book created from the pictures taken during our spring break "Twilight" tour, and a framed photo and ticket stub from the regional NCAA volleyball tournament that we attended last winter with one of the Nebraska volleyball players in the middle of a super-spike (our family can be seen in the stands in the background).

I'd just like to say, for the record, that I am absolutely thrilled to be Sierra's mother. I know that it is trite, but she really is becoming such a wonderful young woman. She is so responsible, confident, kind, and good (and beautiful, smart, talented, and athletic, but I'm trying to focus on those other qualities--see yesterday's post :)). Sometimes I just sit back and think, "Wow! Is this really my little girl?" I am so proud of her and all of the good choices that she is making in
her life.

Sierra certainly isn't immune from the typical teenage behaviors of eye rolling an being exasperated with her parents at times. However, on the whole, I wouldn't change a thing about her. She is delightful, fun and insightful. I would want to hang out with her even if she wasn't my daughter.

Handsome, Smart, or Nice???

I was chatting with my sons over breakfast this morning and somehow the conversation turned into a discussion about the following question... If you could only be EITHER good-looking, smart, OR nice, which would you choose?

Joel gave the question about five seconds of thought and said, "Nice, definitely, nice." When I asked why, he replied that being "nice" was part of being "good," but being handsome or smart were not part of being "good." He then went off to see if the caterpillar that he had been playing with yesterday was still on the front porch.

Braden, of course, quickly responded that he didn't have to worry about it because he was all three. When I pushed the issue, he said he really didn't know. I know he doesn't really care that much about looks at this point, but he does care about being "cool" and really prides himself on being smart. As we discussed it, I re-phrased the question: Which would you choose to be? a) handsome, mean, and dumb (I know it is not a PC term, but I was trying to communicate with a nine-year-old); b) ugly, mean, and smart; or c) ugly, nice, and dumb. In the end, he said that he agreed with Joel that it would be best to be nice if you could only have one. He said that being smart would come in second place.

Then we talked about the qualities we use to judge other people. Braden said that he definitely thought that people were judged mostly on their looks, then their smarts, and finally on how nice they are. (He added that in the world of third-grade boys that athletic prowess trumped even good looks in the list of important qualities. More about that another day....)

Their responses really made me think. First, I was impressed at how precise and undistracted Joel's "moral compass" is. His life experience has pretty well been limited to home, church and kindergarten. Fortunately, he hasn't really experienced a lot of the peer pressure to be "cool" that comes as time goes on. He likes people who are nice. (Well... come to think of it... he does value athletic prowess. He told me a few months ago that he thinks he may like to marry his friend Meg when he grows up because: "She is really nice, AND she can run really fast. EVEN FASTER THAN ME!! No, really, Mom. She totally beat me in a race at recess.")

Braden's compass on the other hand seems to be distracted slightly by his current life experience. The pressure to be well-liked is like a tiny shard of a magnet that keeps that needle unsteady. Braden's responses made perfect sense to me. He has been trying to navigate a world where he perceives that being labeled "cool" is based on looking good, being good at sports, and to some degree not being nice (i.e. being flippant or disrespectful of teachers, putting people down, etc.) In younger years, it was easy to be well-liked based on being smart and nice. Now he feels like those qualities are less valued.

The other thought I had was regarding the messages about priorities that I send to my children. While I do think I try to instill the value of kindness, respect, and obedience in my children. These messages are not nearly as loud and overt as the messages about the "societal values" of looking good and being smart. The majority of the harping that I do at my kids is focused on these two things. Specifically, I make comments daily to all of the kids about personal hygiene issues and appropriateness of dress. I know that I constantly send both implied and expressed messages about the importance of getting good grades and doing (and turning in) homework on time.

It's definitely something for me to consider.

Spring Break--It's About... Compromise

The kids had spring break last week. Unfortunately, Emil had to be at work for most of the week, but we decided to take a quick two-day trip around the Olympic Penninsula. The Olympic Penninsula has something for everyone. In the past, we have spent time there backpacking, camping, hiking--in the mountains, on the beach, or through the rain forests, eating fresh sea food, relaxing in hot springs, exploring tide pools, building sand castles, etc., etc., etc.

For this trip, we had two specific agendas... Emil had been wanting to do a hike called Dungeness Spit near Sequim. Sierra wanted to see Forks, Washington in all its glory. (I said that I didn't care what we did as long as I got some fresh crab at some point.) So... Friday was all about Emil and the 11 mile hike. Saturday was all about Sierra and checking out all of the scenes from the book series "Twilight." In the end, we were ALL happy (see photo above). :) The remaining photos are in the slideshow at the top of the page. The resolution in the slideshow is horrid, but if you click on the photos it will show you a more clear shot.

Part I--The Dungeness Spit Hike

The Dungeness Spit is a five mile long narrow strip of land that juts out into the ocean in the Strait of Juan de Fuca (north of Olympic Penninsula). At high tide, the spit is only about 15-20 feet across at some points. There is a 160 year old lighthouse at the end of the spit along with a 100 year old victorian home for the light keepers.We left Olympia very early on Friday morning in order to take advantage of low tide for hiking. The trail starts about .5 miles from the start of the spit, so the round trip is about 11 miles long. The hike out was relatively easy because we were able to walk in the compact wet sand exposed due to low tide. However, we had such a nice time visiting with the light keepers and touring the lighthouse that we were caught by the rising tide on the way back to our car. The trouble with high tide is that you have to climb over rocks and driftwood instead of just walking on wet sand. Needless to say, we were all tired by the end of the day.

Overall, it was a great day. The kids didn't whine at all about the hike. The lighthouse tour at the end of the spit was great. Of course, it is always hard for me to decide whether I enjoy the journey or the destination more when we go on family hikes. It is great to be able to just chat with each other without other distractions. Sierra did spend a short part of the hike playing the loner teenager listening to her iPod, but she turned it off and hung out with us for most of the day. I don't think Joel ever stopped talking the whole time. Who knew a six year old had that much to say? Lauren and Braden always seem to end up being hiking buddies. They'll cover mile after mile just talking about everything under the sun.

The lighthouse itself was also a very cool destination. It was built in the 1850s and the light keeper's house was built at the turn of the century. The US Coast Guard decided to stop staffing the light house in 1994. A local group banded together to maintain the facility and preserve the history. Now you can join the lighthouse association and pay to stay at the lighthouse for a week. You get to live in the light keepers home--a beautiful victorian home with four bedrooms that sleeps 8. The individuals who stay at the home give the lighthouse tours and do other light duty maintenance chores while they stay there. Our hosts were a couple from Seattle area, a couple from Australia, and a woman from Salt Lake City. They were all very friendly. They told us about all of the whales that they had seen that week.

We'd love to spend a week out there some time, but it will probably be a few years before our schedules and budget allow it.

Part II--Forks

After our hike, we drove around to the west end of the penninsula to our hotel in Forks, Washington. Forks is a small town (about 3,000 people) where the economy is struggling due to a decline in the logging industry. It is surrounded on all sides by amazing scenery--mountains, temperate rain forests, beautiful Pacific coastline. Despite all of this, there isn't a huge draw to come to Forks because it is pretty remote. They are currently capitalizing on the town's notoriety as the location of the Twilight series of books by Stephanie Meyer.

I have to be honest. I'm not a huge fan of the series. (Perhaps a topic for another post). I read the first book a few years ago and didn't understand all the hype. However, I now have middle school daughters who decided to read the books because all of their friends were obsessed. I have a pretty open policy about books the kids want to read. I don't restrict them, but I like to pre-read (so that I can help them process the content). When Sierra was reading the first book, I read the remaining books in the series.

All that aside, I think it is fantastic that Forks is taking advantage of their claim to fame. There are all kinds of signs, shops, and other gimmicks geared toward their new tourism industry. The hotel we stayed at had a marquee that said, "Edward Cullen didn't sleep here." (Of course he didn't because vampires don't sleep. :)) Sierra had a Bella Burger at Sully's drive-in. We stopped and had photo ops at the high school, hospital, sporting goods store, and other locations which are mentioned in the books. The Chamber of Commerce building has an old red truck out front (Bella's truck). We also drove out to La Push--the reservation where Jacob lives, and First Beach where Bella first learned the legend of the werewolves. Sierra found an abandoned campfire on the beach and had her picture taken there. (I'm sure that was where they had the bonfire.)

Anyway, it was a fun time. Silly, but memorable. Fortunately for the rest of us, Forks is in a great location for other outdoor recreation which makes it likely that we'll fulfill Sierra's wishes
and visit again soon.

Puget Sound Quilt

Braden's third grade class recently completed a quilt project based on the marine life in the Puget Sound. Each student selected a marine creature and created a colored drawing of their creature. Parents assisted each student in translating the drawing into a fabric square. We helped them select fabric, cut out the shapes, and iron them all together. Once it was sewn together, we helped the kids tie the quilt. Braden's square is the one shown in detail with the salmon and the sea urchins.

It was a very time consuming project. There were five parent helpers (including the one who sewed it all together). I had a great time spending three long days working with the kids. Most of them had never participated in anything like it. The finished quilt is hanging on the library wall at their school. The kids were so excited to show their parents at conference week.

Pinewood Mania

Braden is participating in Cub Scouts. We recently participated in his second Pinewood Derby. They had a "Cub Scouts Only" division and then an "Open" division where anyone could build and race a car. Lauren and Joel both built cars this year for the open division.

Lauren went all out with her purple convertible with green pinstripes. She included a leather seat and tonneau cover. The rhinestones and metallic silver grill really added to the styling.

The shape of Joel's little red sports car was nearly an exact replica of Braden's blue car last year. He said he wanted one "just like Braden's, but red." Little brother hero-worship is pretty cool.

Braden had some pretty specific ideas about the contouring of his car. It took some time to chisel out all of the pieces and get it sanded down, but it turned out well. The metallic gold paint job was also a nice touch. Lauren shared a couple of her rhinestones with the boys to use for headlights.

Perfect Sandwich

I've read several articles recently about the so-called "Sandwich Generation." This term refers to the generation of people who are both raising their own young children and caring for their aging parents. Thankfully, because my own parents are enjoying relatively good health and independence, I am not faced with this situation. However, I like the idea of having my parents and my children be the bread on a multi-generational sandwich.

One of the benefits of having moved to Washington is that we live close to my parents (about 45 minutes away). Growing up, we were never really very close to our grandparents. My kids see their maternal grandparents almost weekly. My mom teaches them piano lessons. They have a close relationship. The kids love hanging out at their house, and my parents seem genuinely grateful to see them every time. It is a blessing to me to sit back and take it in.

A couple of weeks ago, Sierra prepared a flute solo for the local solo/ensemble competition. My mom accompanied her. The three of us had a great day--preparing for and attending the competition, and then going to lunch together. It was a little emotional for me to watch them together. I was so proud, excited and nervous for Sierra. My mom is a perfect accompanist--she only enhances, never detracts. Sierra had been quite sick and missed school the whole week before the competition. During the second movement, Sierra was struggling to get enough air. At the next natural break, my mom paused and encouraged her to take a sip of water. Sierra immediately resumed confidently and finished strong. It was a little microcosm of their relationship--Grandma giving the gentle suggestion that helped Sierra be her best self.

That same day, my mom commented to me that she hopes that her grown children know that she still feels as much love and gratitude for us now as she did when we were all little chidlren at home. Because I was feeling such an outpouring of love and emotion for my own daughter at the time, it really struck me how much my mother loves me.

Although my own contribution to this multi-generational sandwich is often fairly lame--perhaps just some wilted lettuce or something, I've got some amazingly high-quality bread on both sides.